“I Think” by a Van-dwelling Orphan

I live in a van. At night I must think about finding a dark, discreet place to pull in and sleep. The next morning I wake up too early from cars gunning by within inches of my head. It’s OK though, I mostly think, because I need to get up and drive somewhere for my dog… Read More »

Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy Dearest

Considering my mother issues and surrogate mother addiction, you had to know a Mother’s Day post was in order. If you’ve read my former posts “Happy F*ing Mother’s Day!” in 2014 and “How to call passive-aggressive Mom on Mother’s Day when you’re still mad” in 2013, well, you already know that my relationship with Mom… Read More »

The Show Horse and My Wild Escape With The Animals!

I hung myself this morning, fantasizing about my next great escape from my current padded cell. Splayed out backwards on my huge exercise ball stretching my kinks, I stared upside down at the portrait in my line of sight – Pride, the Black Beauty of my youth. Yes, I had my own Black Beauty as… Read More »

The Surrogate Mother: When nobody else shows up for you.

I could really use a Mom right about now. Yesterday I learned that I have to endure another invasive neck surgery. The three-level fusion I had over two years ago did not fuse. Supposedly rare. They call it pseudarthrosis, a.k.a. a failed fusion. Another failure. I’m still on a roll. It’s not the surgery I’m… Read More »

2015: A New Year and another milestone

Why does it always seem like the five-year mark is a milestone of something? Same with the number ten. Especially when it involves anniversaries. A commenter asked me what my take on the holiday season was and to be honest, I’ve been out of sorts about this one. This season marks several anniversaries in my… Read More »

Imprisoned by narcotics in America’s War Against Drugs

***graphic content near ending, read through at your own risk! I have recently come to the conclusion, my own pinnacle of disgust, that I am in my own private hell as a prisoner of painkillers, thanks to doctors who so easily dole them out in higher and higher doses and a healthcare system that pushes… Read More »

Overmedicated and still the bad guy

I was sitting in my therapist’s office on Monday afternoon sobbing, “Why are people so fucking stupid all the time? I hate people! The more control they have over our lives the more they fuck up and yet I’m always still the bad guy!!! And that stupid fucking furniture out there. Jesus!” The new owner… Read More »

When your ‘Happy Place’ makes you more sad than happy.

Do you have a happy place where you can go to in your mind? A place where you once were the happiest you could ever imagine? A place where you can figuratively escape to anytime you feel blue? During one of my depressive crises and a three-and-a-half hour phone call with my cousin, he counseled… Read More »